Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
