you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
