I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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