i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
