i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
