He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
