why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
