I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
