Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
