When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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