do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
