He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
