Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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