We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
