If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
