i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
