Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
