What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
