How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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