I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
