so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
