Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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