Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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