How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's just like the Real World with babies
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
