just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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