This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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