plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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