She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
