Welp...herpes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
as a side note pls kill me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
