I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
