I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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