I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
