she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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