This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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