You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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