1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The Olympian is in my bed
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