I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The adults are the big ones right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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