Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
