hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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