The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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