He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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