you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
