it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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