I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
