so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
