just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
