just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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