I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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