you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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