just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
